I got to thinking about the most common question I ask myself every day… as an inquisitive person it’s not uncommon to have questions, I’ve always had questions … from a very early age questions were a big part of my vocabulary! To which I might add, questions I expected to come with answers!
I feel I should always get an answer or at least expect to get an answer especially when I’m asking the question to someone else. But when the question I’m asking is specific to myself and asked of myself, would I and should I also expect an answer? And will the answer I get be the right answer? But what is the question? Does that matter… does that affect the answer … and what is this question, the most common question I ask myself! The question is WHY? Why, why and why … ??? Who doesn’t ask why?
Does everyone know their Why? The purpose, cause, or belief that inspires us to do what you do? Be who we are, act as we act…
So many questions every day and yet, what answer is good enough to keep me moving in the direction of my beliefs? I mean, are the answers to my why’s my answers, or the answers passed down to me from my experiences from those before me, the nurturing experiences I received or are my answers some subconscious navigation keeping me on track with some predestined plan…
Are there really answers in life? To the big questions, I mean? Is there a God? Where is God? Why are we here? Where do we go after? Are we alone in the universe? What is my purpose in life?
I used to think God was “up there” somewhere or “out there” somewhere. But then, when I was young, I had no idea how impossible it is to wrap my head around “out there,” knowing, as I do today, that “out there” is endless. I suppose that, in my youth, I just thought of God as somewhere slightly beyond the clouds … not unlike the way virtually everyone believed at one time, so strongly in fact that, if you questioned such a belief, they felt justified in killing you. Some still do, if only your reputation!
Now that we know the “heavens” are ever-expanding, the mind… my mind anyway … is incapable of wrapping itself around the infinity that is beyond us. So, where is God? Does he live on a planet somewhere? If so, where? And how long would it take to get there? Even if you were traveling at the speed of light? Or even faster?
There are other questions for which there seem to be no definite answers;
Why am I here?
Why do I trust, when it seems you can not trust anyone?
Why do I love when love seems to hurt as much as it causes happiness, if not more?
Why do I do what I do?
Why do I know, but don’t believe?
How could anyone really know?
I have big questions on why, and little questions on why and I have some Holy Shit questions as well… So, is it possible that I (we) can be sure of anything?
So maybe the answer to WHY is not a clear-cut answer, so maybe instead of why, I should then refocus my question to What? What Makes Me Happy? Does this come with an easier answer?
What I did realize is that I have the ability to choose between stress and gratitude. I have said this many times, but sometimes I forget its impact in my own life and forget to take it seriously. I can decide to feel stressed about all the things I need to get done or I can feel gratitude for where I am and the good things that happen every day. Throughout the previous years, I have chosen stress and other people’s issues many many times. I was working, struggling; my mind was all over the place and I couldn’t focus. Was it all worth it? And then again, more questions arise…
…then while walking along the seaside, I stared at the sunset and said to myself, “it’s a beautiful sunset and full of magic; I feel like the sky is talking to me.” I am here, focusing what’s in front of me because I don’t want to miss the present anymore. I choose the potential to manifest beautiful things.
I want to now choose life, purpose, and gratitude. I want to love more and I want to learn how to love myself even more first. Maybe it’s not the ask why? But rather to just be open and receive all the good that is in the here and the now…
As Mark Nepo so beautifully put it, “Though my lids are closed, I still feel the warmth of the sun.” Though I live with questions … even doubts … I cannot disregard what I feel inside, what I think I know but know I do not know, too.
“I’m like a bird,” wrote Nepo, “gliding on a current of air it cannot see, or a fish swimming with the tide of deep it cannot see, or a note being sung as part of a song it cannot see…”
So now today, as every day, I live in the peace of not knowing anything for certain. This is what they describe in the east as the “wisdom of uncertainty”! I’m pretty sure, at least I think I am, that this is the secret to happiness.
If it isn’t, I am content to never know the difference.
John F Xuereb